I don’t always want Jesus

I know I need Jesus in my life. I know it.

I don't always want Jesus

But if I’m being totally honest with you, deep down I don’t always want Jesus in my life.

Because Jesus is a disrupter. He takes lives and turns them upside down.

You see, sometimes I just want to do what I want to do. But He wants me to take up my cross and follow Him.

Sometimes I want to focus on all the things I need. But He wants me to put the needs of others ahead of my own.

Sometimes I want so badly to dislike someone or to be mad at them. But He wants me, as far as it depends on me, to live peacefully with others.

Sometimes I want to go, go, go. But He wants me to be still and wait.

He wants things for me that I don’t always want for myself.

So even though I know I need Him, sometimes I really just want to stand alone. Do you ever feel like that?

You see, I want to do things my way. I want to dictate the next step in my life…I want to plan it and prepare for it and do it.

But He said He would never leave me or forsake me.

He said if I acknowledge Him, He will direct my path.

And even though His path isn’t always easier, it’s always better.

You know, like my children often do, I think I know what’s best. I read one chapter in the book of my life and I think I know how the whole story should end. I think, based on my limited experiences, that I know exactly what I need today and the next day and the next…

But I don’t. If I did, I wouldn’t make such a mess of things when I try to do it all on my own.

Jesus, though, He does know what’s best. Because He really knows the whole story.

And that’s why Jesus is a disrupter. A beautiful, wonderful disrupter. He takes lives and turns them upside down in the most amazing ways.

You see, He takes battered lives and makes them new.

He takes broken paths and sets them straight.

He takes hopeless situations and gives them hope.

Even when I’d rather just fix everything myself…do everything myself..even when I don’t want Him…He still wants me.

He wants you too.

Even though, sometimes, you may not want Him.

And it’s okay to admit it if you don’t. It’s okay that sometimes you wrestle with Him for control. Everyone does. Everyone. It’s just our nature. But quite possibly it’s the first step to letting go…the first step to giving Him that thing you’ve been keeping all to yourself. That thing you just want to do alone. You know what it is.

Remember though, He doesn’t want you to stand alone.

Even when you don’t want Him, He wants you just the same.

He wants to disrupt your life in the most amazing way possible.

You just have to let Him.


I'd like to hear from you! In what amazing way has Jesus disrupted your life? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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