10 things no one told me before I had kids

Before I had kids, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect as a parent.

10 things no one told me before I had kids

Or so I thought.

After all, most of my friends are parents. And what do parents like to talk about most? Yep, their kids.

But a few years into this parenting gig, I’ve realized there are some things no one ever mentioned.

I’m not sure why, but since sharing is caring, I decided to write them down. So, here they are…ten things about parenting no one told me:

1. It’s going to rain socks in your house.

Seriously, there will be socks everywhere. On the floor. Behind beds. Between couch cushions. Everywhere. The dryer has been getting a bad wrap all these years. The truth is…most socks never even make it there.

2. It’s impossible to turn off all the lights in your house.

An enormous amount of time will be spent wandering through the house trying to turn off lights though…including the ones you just turned off five minutes ago! Kids are amazing at turning them on, but apparently it’s physically impossible for them to turn lights off. Who knew?!

3. Kids, not roosters, are responsible for waking people up.

Despite urban legend, kids don’t actually sleep until noon. They don’t even sleep past six! And they wake up singing…dancing…ready to play games. They expect their parents to join in too…before you’ve even had coffee!

4. Your life revolves around snacks.

In fact, 99% of parenting is standing in front of the pantry trying to figure out what’s for morning snack…or afternoon snack…or after dinner snack. And five minutes after kids are too full to finish their lunch: “What’s for snack?”

5. The primary use of a child’s right arm is to wipe his mouth.

Forget the napkin sitting in front of them. Something in their DNA makes using their arm an involuntary action they just. can’t. quit.

6. You need to be an expert at investigations.

Walls get colored, shoes become missing, lamps get broken…but no one ever knows who did it or how it happened…all they know is “it wasn’t me!” But, there are always clues…

7. Kids are born with a black belt in negotiating.

In fact, the best negotiators in the world are five-year-old girls. If a five-year-old girl wants you to play something, you’re playing. End of story.

8. “That goes without saying” is not a phrase you lean heavily on.

You actually have to tell people (over and over) to put pants on, not to eat off the floor, and to close the refrigerator door.

9. You talk about going to the potty more than any other topic.

Do you need to potty? Have you gone potty yet? Did you wash your hands after you went potty? Tell your brother to potty. Why didn’t you potty before we left? Did you flush? Why didn’t you change the toilet paper roll?

10. There’s nothing better than hearing “Goodnight, Daddy. I love you.”

After a long day of making snacks, turning off lights, and picking up socks, nothing reminds you more that it’s all worth it.

So, that’s it. That’s my list.

Hey, I’ve got to go…it’s snack time!

Stephen

Oh…what would you add??

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